The truth about judgement
Judgement gets a bad rap
I hear it talked about all the time, how bad it is, how people should stop doing it, how WRONG they are for being judgemental and on and on
Judging the judgemental, LOL
But what is actually going on when we are in judgement mode?
As far as I can see it comes down to 3 things:
1. I HAVE A WANT OR NEED THAT I HAVEN’T EXPRESSED
A couple of years back I was at a workshop where we had to partner up with different people several times during the day
When I met with the women at the end of the day, several of them complained about a certain man who had terrible bad breath
They couldn’t believe he didn’t know and was subjecting them to the foul stench and were angry at him for it
I asked if any of them had told him
Not one had
They had not expressed that they actually needed him to stand well back
Let’s be honest it’s often awkward and uncomfortable to tell someone they have bad breath if we don’t know them
However, every woman in that circle made the choice to betray herself rather than protect her boundary and ask for what she needed
Which lead to them being judgemental and resentful of the man afterwards
It was a false sense of kindness towards the man as none of them wanted to go near him again
No one got what they wanted. But ‘politeness’ and ‘manners’ were upheld
2. THEY HAVE FREEDOM IN A PLACE I DON’T
My ex had a girlfriend before me who very openly sexually expressive
She was sexy and definitely in her body
She was really rather mesmerising as she moved through a room, exuding confidence and sex
She slept with many men and women and I judged her for being ‘that sort of woman’
You know, a bit of a slut
It took me some time to realise the truth of what was going on; I was totally bound by good girl conditioning and wasn’t free in my sexuality at all
I was judging her because she was
3. I DO THAT SAME THING AND I DON’T APPROVE OF IT IN ME
I went to a friend’s house recently and it was, shock horror, MESSY
There was stuff everywhere
I was uncomfortable, my judgment thoughts kicked in
‘Clearly she’s a bit of a sloven, I can’t believe she’s invited me into such disarray etc. etc.’
Why? Because I am a messy person in a tidy person’s body
I hate mess, but I make it all the time
It’s very unlikely that you will ever come to my house and see a mess though, because I disprove of my messy side and I don’t want you to see it
So, shock horror, judgement doesn’t actually have anything to do with the person we’re judging and everything to do with us
Every time I run my judgements through these 3 filters I learn something new about myself and reclaim a bit more of my power back
Owning the blame and projection of judgement and getting to the truth is ‘the work’ in action