Boundaries are clear limits or lines that separate us from others

They are the limits that protect our bodies, our energy, our homes, our time, our money, our kids and our hearts etc.

Boundaries are necessary for a healthy relationship with ourselves and others

Having good boundaries will prevent us from becoming victims

Healthy boundaries put us, not others at the centre of our lives 

They allow us to live life on our own terms, by our own values and standards 

They are vital if we want to be our authentic selves

Feelings of resentment towards someone alert us to when we have crossed our own boundaries

They are also essential for emotional regulation and a healthy nervous system because if we don’t honour ourselves and what we actually feel we quickly become dysregulated and feel ‘off’ - tired, anxious, irritable  – it’s like a GPS warning system telling us we have left the highlighted route

Our boundaries are what create an overall feeling of safety in our bodies, our relationships and our world

Healthy boundaries look like:

Being clear about your needs and desires and being able to overtly communicate them to others

Being clear about your own values, opinions and thoughts even when they differ from those around you

An ability to gage with discernment what personal information can be shared with another – what is appropriate and what isn’t for the level of connection you have

Being able to say no and also to hear a no with respect and acceptance that it doesn’t mean something bad about you

Boundary impairment falls into 2 categories: 

1) Having loose or no boundaries

An inability to say no and a feeling of being personally affronted when hearing a no from others

Compulsive people pleasing

Defining your self-worth from outside, so it goes up and down depending on others opinions

Chronically fixing/helping/saving or rescuing others

Having more of your attention on others than on yourself 

Thinking obsessively about another person

Over sharing

2) Walls

Energetically pushing  people away with anger, fear or silence instead of overtly communicating what you need

Big fears of rejection

Difficulty asking for help

Fiercely protective of privacy

Difficulty getting close to others

We can also move between all 3 in different areas of our lives – we may have pretty good boundaries at work, but walls with romantic partners and no or loose boundaries with family 

Boundary impairment causes us to lose touch with the magic and flow of life and with our inner world. They also disconnect us from others leaving us feeling resentful and drained or if we use walls to protect us, very very separate

Healing boundary impairment is vital if we are to really connect with an intimate partner

Anytime we bring conscious awareness to the boundaries we’ve had in our romantic relationships all parts of our lives will be positively affected

The results are undeniable, such as: 

The ability to spot those who aren’t trustworthy and to pursue relationships with those who are

Self-trust

Deeper and more fulfilling relationships with others

Greatly increased feelings of joy and gratitude

Being truly available to connect with others – which of course is very important if you want to meet a new romantic partner!

Self-love

I could go on, the results of doing this work are astonishing and undeniable

We do powerful boundary healing work in The Empowered Relationship Method – message me if you want to know more about that

May we all have terrific boundaries that feel good for us and others

Nx